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Diocesan Marriage and Family Conference – keynotes Dr. Ray Guarendi, Bishop Kevin Rhoades
11 Tuesday Feb 2014
11 Tuesday Feb 2014
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06 Thursday Feb 2014
Posted inspiration, life, love, orphans, pro-life
inThis story falls under the category of inspiring, heartwarming, and (happy) tear-inducing. Grab some Kleenex and sit back. Then wonder what impact your life will have on others, based on the choices you make today. And act on your resolutions.
“In December 1938, Nicholas Winton, a 29-year-old London stockbroker, was about to leave for a skiing holiday in Switzerland, when he received a phone call from his friend Martin Blake asking him to cancel his holiday and immediately come to Prague: “I have a most interesting assignment and I need your help. Don’t bother bringing your skis.” When Winton arrived, he was asked to help in the camps, in which thousands of refugees were living in appalling conditions. In October 1938, after the ill-fated Munich Agreement between Germany and the Western European powers, the Nazis annexed a large part of western Czechoslovakia, the Sudetenland. Winton was convinced that the German occupation of the rest of the country would soon follow. To him and many others, the outbreak of war seemed inevitable. The news of Kristallnacht, the bloody pogrom (violent attack) against German and Austrian Jews on the nights of November 9 and 10, 1938, had reached Prague. Winton decided to take steps. “I found out that the children of refugees and other groups of people who were enemies of Hitler weren’t being looked after. I decided to try to get permits to Britain for them. I found out that the conditions which were laid down for bringing in a child were chiefly that you had a family that was willing and able to look after the child, and £50, which was quite a large sum of money in those days, that was to be deposited at the Home Office. The situation was heartbreaking. Many of the refugees hadn’t the price of a meal. Some of the mothers tried desperately to get money to buy food for themselves and their children. The parents desperately wanted at least to get their children to safety when they couldn’t manage to get visas for the whole family. I began to realize what suffering there is when armies start to march.” In terms of his mission, Winton was not thinking in small numbers, but of thousands of children. He was ready to start a mass evacuation. “Everybody in Prague said, ‘Look, there is no organization in Prague to deal with refugee children, nobody will let the children go on their own, but if you want to have a go, have a go.’ And I think there is nothing that can’t be done if it is fundamentally reasonable.” …Independently of Operation Kindertransport , Nicholas Winton set up his own rescue operation. At first, Winton’s office was a dining room table at his hotel in Wenceslas Square in Prague. Anxious parents, who gradually came to understand the danger they and their children were in, came to Winton and placed the future of their children into his hands. Soon, an office was set up on Vorsilska Street, under the charge of Trevor Chadwick. Thousands of parents heard about this unique endeavor and hundreds of them lined up in front of the new office, drawing the attention of the Gestapo. Winton’s office distributed questionnaires and registered the children. Winton appointed Trevor Chadwick and Bill Barazetti to look after the Prague end when he returned to England. Many further requests for help came from Slovakia, a region east of Prague. Winton contacted the governments of nations he thought could take in the children. Only Sweden and his own government said yes. Great Britain promised to accept children under the age of 18 as long as he found homes and guarantors who could deposit £50 for each child to pay for their return home. Because he wanted to save the lives of as many of the endangered children as possible, Winton returned to London and planned the transport of children to Great Britain. He worked at his regular job on the Stock Exchange by day, and then devoted late afternoons and evenings to his rescue efforts, often working far into the night. He made up an organization, calling it “The British Committee for Refugees from Czechoslovakia, Children’s Section.” The committee consisted of himself, his mother, his secretary and a few volunteers. Winton had to find funds to use for repatriation costs, and a foster home for each child. He also had to raise money to pay for the transports when the children’s parents could not cover the costs. He advertised in British newspapers, and in churches and synagogues. He printed groups of children’s photographs all over Britain. He felt certain that seeing the children’s photos would convince potential sponsors and foster families to offer assistance. Finding sponsors was only one of the endless problems in obtaining the necessary documents from German and British authorities. “Officials at the Home Office worked very slowly with the entry visas. We went to them urgently asking for permits, only to be told languidly, ‘Why rush, old boy? Nothing will happen in Europe.’ This was a few months before the war broke out. So we forged the Home Office entry permits.” On March 14, 1939, Winton had his first success: the first transport of children left Prague for Britain by airplane. Winton managed to organize seven more transports that departed from Prague’s Wilson Railway Station. The groups then crossed the English Channel by boat and finally ended their journey at London’s Liverpool Street station. At the station, British foster parents waited to collect their charges. Winton, who organized their rescue, was set on matching the right child to the right foster parents. The last trainload of children left on August 2, 1939, bringing the total of rescued children to 669….”Read more here, from The Power of God…
HERE Mr. Winton realizes he is sitting next to many of the children he rescued.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_nFuJAF5F0
Winton has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize by the Czech lower house.
Read more about the man who saved the children from the Nazis:
From Business Insider: http://www.businessinsider.com/nicholas-winton-saved-children-from-nazis-2013-11
04 Tuesday Feb 2014
Posted Uncategorized
inTags
children, Christian life, crisis, focus, hope, perspective, problems
World’s problems got you down?
Then you’ll probably like reading my latest on Today’s Catholic News: A Banana in the Kitchen
30 Thursday Jan 2014
Posted book, Thought of the day
inTags
advice, articles, children, fathers, God, marriage, mothers, parenting, pondering, reading, relationships
What I’m reading (and listening to) today~
Sex Is Not The Only Thing (Patti Armstrong)
On “Snowmageddon” and Answered Prayers (Randy Hain)
Angellic Fallacies: Why Science is Hard to Learn (Stacy Trasancos)
Towards Christian Unity (Elizabeth Foss)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s interview with Teresa Tomeo, author of Extreme Makeover, Women Transformed by Christ
29 Wednesday Jan 2014
Posted children, Family, parenting, Raising daughters, Uncategorized
inTags
Catholic, children, Christian, Christianity, concerned parents, Ever After High, family, focus on the family, Monster High, morality, truth
I have never written a post or article that generated as much angry mail as when I wrote this. I was called a “cackling conservative hen” and “ignorant fool”. I was sworn at and taunted. Spam filled my email inbox. I automatically deleted many comments that were vulgar and included profanity.
It’s weird because I didn’t attack a person; I criticized a toy. I called it ugly and said it was a bad model for our little girls. And it is. Last I checked, free speech was still a right, so I spoke up about my concern about the Monster High dolls, which I found creepy. I mentioned then and I’ll mention now that I thought (and think) it is weird that any mother would actually buy these ugly things for her children.
While many moms I talked about this with wholeheartedly agreed with me, apparently there are also plenty of moms who don’t and will buy these ugly things for their children. A Fox News Report from July of last year reported that while sales of Mattel’s Barbie and Polly Pocket steadily decreased, Monster High doll sales have likely grown to more than $500 million in just three years since the line debuted. Ugly has become super popular. ‘Out’ is ‘in’, and monsters are ‘out’ and about, in a store near you.
Given these facts, and that I still receive emails about this topic from concerned mothers and fathers, I thought it might be time for an update. Here you go-
Mattel says it markets the Monster High brand to promote ‘Tween Esteem’. The Los Angeles Times reports that the promotion is a message of ‘girl empowerment’. Here I have to interject, empowerment over whom? I’m guessing boys, but I don’t quite understand that . In a world where total enrollment figures for college indicate more women than men attending, and the EEOC ensures that there is no pregnancy or other female related discrimination, when most of the public schools are taught and run by females (76% public school teachers are female), when some major, multimillion dollar Fortune 500 companies (like Yahoo, IBM and General Motors to name just a few) are headed by women, and women are in the forefront of politics in our nation…. the idea of ‘girl empowerment’ seems silly. We girls have plenty of ‘power’ if you count career opportunity. We don’t live in a part of the world where an oppressive regime limits girls’ chances to pursue their dreams, thrive and flourish. Then why does Mattel think that six, seven, and eight year old girls need to be “empowered” …by monsters no less, who tell them that girls command respect when the dolls they play with wear chains and fangs and their heads pop off? This doesn’t make sense to me. Anyway….
Retailers of Monster High dolls have joined forces with the We Stop Hate organization, created by Emily Rigal to purportedly, well, “stop hate”. Here I’d like to interject another observation- Stopping hate (“intense or passionate dislike”) is admirable, but not attainable. One person cannot control another’s feelings or emotions. Hateful actions (such as physical assault) can and should be curtailed and legislated against. But ideas such as religious beliefs or moral convictions can mistakenly be labeled ‘hateful’ if they do not go along with the defining group’s definition of what is acceptable, and this is where a generalized “stopping hate” becomes dangerous. In an increasingly secular and faithless society, Christians can be labeled ‘haters’ if they oppose abhorrent lifestyle choices, or divorce, or even their children playing with ghouly looking dolls.
An article from Mattel states, The…call-to-action will elevate and extend the Monster High® and WeStopHate collaboration to inspire tween girls to celebrate and embrace the unique qualities that make them “perfectly imperfect” through specially-created online content, downloadable activities, and an animated webisode featuring a monsterfied Rigal.
“Hate” will be defined for your children by self proclaimed experts and a toy manufacturer, and children visiting a special web site will be socially conditioned, free of charge. That’s what the statement means, minus publicity lingo.
It is parents’ call whether they want this agenda against hate (hate being defined by the creators of the doll and the website of course) presented to their children, or to shield them from it, but Mom and Dad might want to consider the Monster High dolls and agenda it promotes are endorsed by Lady Gaga and MTV.
You can see Lady Gaga and the creator of WeStopHate talking about Monster High dolls and their purpose here.
Newcomers to the Monster High scene since last year include Poulterghoul (exclusive to Target). You can see her and hear an detailed description here.
This year, parents can also purchase ‘13 Wishes‘ :
I checked out my local Target store for the dolls. Two years ago when I wrote the first article, my local Target had one part of one shelf dedicated to the Monster High dolls. The space dedicated to the Monster High Girls has grown a lot since then- an entire aisle now, floor to ceiling, with end of aisle displays!
In July 2013, a new spin-off line was launched as a companion line to Monster High. The new line was called Ever After High. (I’m sure someone will tell me to ignore the double entendre in the name, but it really popped out at me.) Ever After High dolls seem slightly less ominous, but that is like saying that butter is better to eat by the plateful than lard. In reality, our bodies need vegetables. While not as outlandishly “evil” looking, Ever After dolls have plenty of the Monster High characteristics.. Take “Apple White”, for example, one of the ‘cleaner’ characters, and purportedly a second generation of Snow White. Even she has a “Spellbinding morning – the perfect day for starting a charmed new school year….” and consults her magic…
The Ever After website invites little girls to take a quiz to find out if they are a “Royal” or a “Rebel”. Answers from which they can choose include being “hex-ited”, liking a French “mani-curse’ for their nails, or “hocus-focus”ing on their studies. Bad puns at best. At worst, they introduce young children to a dark culture. Religious folks will find these toys highly objectionable. Non-religious folks may still be offended, finding them really dumbed down second generation story dolls whose tales, not unlike the old game of telephone, lose much in the manufacturer’s version of translation and story line.
A valid secular objection to this line of toys, is that it skews true literary classical fairy tales (from Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen for example) to suit a manufacturer’s needs, in order to take advantage of an open and vulnerable market. This is an easy and lazy way for a manufacturer to make a quick buck. The sad thing is, some little girls will never be exposed to the classics first, so they will grow up thinking these stories are the originals or correctly summarize the originals, and that is not only sad but uneducated.
The Monster High and Ever After High brands are being promoted to girls as young as six. By playing with dolls that have stiletto pumps or “hooker platform heels” made of pink chains, they are supposed to be learning tolerance. Introducing young girls to this style of dressing is problematic alone, but coupled with it being seen as ‘cool’, girls can be confused as to what it means to be a girl, a lady, a woman. And why is tolerance so venerated today, seemingly more important than great moral virtues? “Tolerance” (without saying of what) is the god of subjective thought which rejects objective moral truth. For these and other reasons, the Monster High and Ever After High doll lines are problematic.
Young girls would be much better served reading about real life heroes in history, science and religion– statesmen, pioneer women, saints, even fictional characters who live in the past or future in an embodiment of some sort of real moral fiber, courage and bravery, characters who are real role models for the girls to look up to and emulate. Instead, these toys program girls to ‘let out their inner monster’. Scary. Target even lets little girls (ages 7 and up recommended) make their own monsters here.
I am sure that some will read this post and accuse me of making much ado about nothing. Read for yourself. Check out the links. Make an informed decision. Be cognizant of what your child may be offered to play with when she innocently visits a friend (whose mother may have innocently purchased the popular doll) Simply do your research and learn. Then talk with your spouse, with moms in playgroups and your child’s school. Teaming together with like minded parents will help us all navigate this culture and modern society successfully and keep this ugly influence away from them.
I’d like to close this post with one more fact-
In 2011 I reported that the the You Tube views of the Monster High Song was four million. I checked the statistics this morning for the same song and they have increased…. by more than 32 million, bringing the total views upon the time of me writing this to 36,764,256, with 85,302 “thumbs up” likes. I wonder how many of these “likes” are little girls as young as eight on the internet? How many of them will innocently sing the lyrics then begin to embody some of the values? How long before Monster High easy readers show up in libraries and maybe schools? How long before a generation of girls is affected? This is a cultural youth trend that cannot be ignored.
There’s a monster under the bed, and in the closet and maybe your daughter’s friend’s backpack .. And the people behind the monster girls can’t wait to introduce your daughters to a worldview they have created for just for her.
What will be your response?
Read more about Monster High Dolls here:
From Fox News: Monster High Dolls Anger Parents
Mattel’s Manipulative Monster High Marketing Machine: Unkind (Shaping Youth)
Raising Mighty Arrows Blogpost: An Alternative to Monster High Dolls
28 Tuesday Jan 2014
Posted Uncategorized
inTags
Catholic mom, children, faith, life, love, motherhood, Mothering, parenting, stay at home mom, support for moms
This first appeared in Integrated Catholic Life
Hey, mama!
Yes, you with the baby in your arms…
I see you, out there, sitting at your table, your desk, or your kitchen island, and I notice you are a little discouraged. You switched on the computer a few minutes ago to check your mail and a couple websites, the most exciting contact you’ll have with the outside world today, in between your hourly dates with your almost-potty-trained toddler in the bathroom and picking up Cheerios off the floor of the kitchen for the umpteenth time. You are disheartened, tired. Maybe you passed a mirror earlier today and thought to yourself, Where is that super-trim figure I had in college? Didn’t my step used to have a little more bounce? Why am I doing this?
You love your family with ferocity but you are just running out of steam. Your husband is working hard to allow you this privilege of staying home with your children, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a privilege. You may even feel like it would be easier to get an outside job.
You may feel that you do the same thing over and over, and the days blur together. You have always held that moms should be present in the home during a child’s early years. You believed it with all your heart the day you got married and you believe it now. You want to be the best mom you can be, but somehow that rings a little hollow at the moment, as you break up a tussle between two preschoolers wanting the same Thomas the Tank Engine cover, quickly throw in some laundry and get back in the room with the little ones before someone gets hurt. Is this how it is supposed to go? You ask. You wonder.
May I offer something? I’ve been in your slippers. And that bathrobe. That torn bathrobe with Gerber’s best all over it and a tear next to the right front pocket. You know, that one you keep meaning to mend but also keep forgetting about… I would like to tell you something. In fact, I want to tell you a few things. So go get that coffee refill and meet me back here in a minute. Yes, you can fish the toilet paper roll out of the toilet first – I heard that scream too – and while you’re up set the little one in the swing for a few minutes… She’ll be okay. You need to hear this.
Are you back? Good.
As I was saying, in all sincerity, I’ve been in your slippers. I truly understand where you’re coming from. I’m on the other side of Babyhood now, with my oldest in his twenties and my youngest being school aged. Chin up, pretty mama. Here are a few things I want you to know:
Ready?
1. What you do is important.
That’s right. Read it again. What you do is important.
I know it doesn’t seem important to be answering kids’ questions all day and reading the same books to your children over and over, or patiently responding to mishaps and unexpected spills as you cook and clean and love the little ones, but let me assure you that what you do might be one of the most significant things in the world. Let me explain.
Do you see those policy makers on TV, voting on bills, which will become laws? (Oops – Of course you don’t- you don’t have time to watch TV, but you’re smart and you can recall at least a few modern legislators, state-wide or national figures.). Think of them for a moment. Also think the teachers of today, the professors and other educators who, right this minute, are standing in a classroom, explaining a theory, proposing a philosophy, forming young minds. Recall too the modern doctors and scientists who make life and death decisions and ethical considerations. Think of how they, and others like them, affect and in essence because the way the world turns and moves. They make laws, form opinions, and establish protocol in institutions for good or for naught. They create society.
Now think of this: Someone once put these influential people to sleep at night; someone sang to them (or didn’t), read to them (or didn’t). Someone once stirred thoughts of goodness and justice (or evil and apathy) into their minds. Someone once introduced them to big ideas and learning and if they were lucky, God and faith, morals and truth. That someone most likely was their mother.
Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Men are what their mothers made them.” Of course, free will comes into the picture, but a good mother can set a child on the right track, and it is more difficult for him to veer off onto the wrong path if she has set him straight. “Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
Now, mama, look at that baby you just put in the swing, your little angel with sweet downy hair and a sleepy, milky smile or look at your toddler in his diaper who is dancing around the room. Your treatment of these children now and the way they see you interacting with them and others, the manners you use, the tone of your voice, the gestures you make, will be the model in their minds, their ‘default mode’ of thinking and behavior for the rest of their lives. Most likely what you model will affect how they treat others one day – their employees, employers, patients or constituents, and surely their spouses and their children. Their decisions will be rooted in what you provide and teach and demonstrate now.
Mama, your softness is important. Your sweet coos and songs to your children will help them feel loved and calm and know the gentleness of God Himself. Your firmness is important too – you must gently but surely hold your children accountable for their actions and help them overcome natural vices in order to reach the pinnacle of self-control and temperance. Your mind is important to them as well. It is through your thought and your expression of thought they will gain knowledge about the world around them, others, and God. The values you teach them, the stories you read to them, the words they hear you speak an the expressions they see you make are all very important to them and also to the world they will influence in years to come. Most importantly, your faith will be the foundation for their own faith. Your trust and belief in God will pave the way for their own acceptance of and love for Him.
Our nation depends on the work of the mothers in the previous generation. The future of the human race depends on mothers like you.
2. What you do is good.
Good is defined as “morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious”. Raising children well is good.
Have you ever been in a greenhouse? Greenhouses are warm and clean, perfect places for plants to grow. They are protective environments where no damaging insects can destroy the young, tender plants. When the plants are hearty and strong they can be safely transplanted outside the greenhouse. Your home is like a greenhouse. You control what comes in and what goes out. It is not just a protective place to keep out the harmful, but it is a place to let in the light and where it is warm and nurturing. Children without a good home may grow up fine, but chances are better for the ones who are tended to, cherished and cultivated. It is good to protect the vulnerable against harm. What you do as a mother is good.
3. What you do is beautiful motherhood
Artists create art; Musicians create music. You, as a mother, in cooperation with your husband and God the ultimate Designer created something more awe-inspiring and amazing that all the artwork and music combined. You created a human being with an eternal soul, the most amazing of all of creation. This child is bodily and spiritually beautiful. Train him well and he will be morally beautiful too. Enough said.
Now also remember two more things…
You’re not just teaching your children; they are also teaching you.
It’s kind of like continuing education without the diploma. As you tackle those piles of laundry from wet beds and baby spit ups you are developing fortitude. As you avoid caffeine and a favorite glass of wine while pregnant in order to give your unborn child the best possible start in life you are developing temperance. And when, at night your husband comes home, looks around at the mess and asks what you did all day and you hold your tongue and just smile sweetly, you are developing patience. And by the way there is nothing wrong with making a list for just such an occasion and handing it to him upon questioning – I’m just saying. Those nights you walk the floor for hours with a colicky baby will do more for your development of generosity than reading 25 books on the subject. So you see, you raise your children and your children raise you. It’s a win-win.
Take heart – it will get easier.
Well, kind of. The sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion will subside when the baby starts sleeping through the night and the toddler can make it without bathroom trips every few hours. You won’t be juggling nine things at once forever- I promise. There will be a day when the baby will stop crawling up your curtains and pulling down things from the shelf, thus making you feel like your whole morning is a marathon scooping- from- danger race. Your life will surely move out of the absolute fatigue stage and morph slowly in to the next one.
The next stage, as your children convert into pre-adolescents, then teens, then young adults, will have you hopping more mentally than physically. Now I will tell you that while it’s not nearly as bad as everyone portrays it to be, that next stage is not easy either, but at least you’ll get more sleep. Instead of trying to get them to go to bed you’ll be trying to get them to get up. But don’t worry about that now. Shrill alarm clocks never go out of style and will be there when you need them.
So, yes, dear tired mama, this is how it goes. You will be fine and your little ones will be better off for your sacrifices. Our country will even benefit, although it might have to wait 20 years.
Now, go splash some cold water on your face, add a dab of lip gloss and powder to lift your spirits if you want, and get ready for another tedious, difficult, wonderful, day. I hope by now you realize how important, good and beautiful your work as a mother really is.
So chop, chop!! Get moving! Time is short and you have much to do! You have some bodies to nurture, some souls to inspire and a nation to advance. No more stay-at-home-mom blues. Go build a culture – or maybe just a Lego tower for now – one thing at a time…
Prayer for the graces of Motherhood
Powerful is your intercession with God, Mary, for you are His mother.
Tender, too, is your love for us, for you are our mother.
Confidently, then, I come to you as a child, poor and needy, to seek your aid and protection.
In every trial of motherhood, I beg your aid.
For the grace of a happy delivery, I come to you.
For your holy assistance in guarding and directing each tiny soul with which God entrust me, I call to you.
In every sorrow that comes to me in my motherhood, I confide in you.
That I may have strength to bear cheerfully all the pains and the hardships of motherhood, I lean on you.
That the sweetness of motherhood may not through my neglect be embittered in later years by pains of regret, I trust in you.
That the will of God may always be fulfilled in me through each act of my motherhood, little and great, I beg your aid.
Never forsake me, dear mother, my hope, my consolation, my confidence, and my trust,
But ever be at my side to aid and protect me, your needy child. Amen.
Mother of love, of Sorrow, and of Mercy, Pray for us!
From “The Mother’s Manual” by A. Francis Coomes, a prayer book for all occasions suited to mothers can be purchased on Amazon or Free Catholic Shipping.
– See more at: http://www.integratedcatholiclife.org/2012/01/thomas-stay-at-home-mom-blues/#sthash.OouPG6hv.dpuf
22 Wednesday Jan 2014
Posted children, Family, Important family issues, life, love, Mothering, Raising daughters, Raising Sons, Relationships
inTags
children, early institutionalization, effects of day care, families, family, orphans, parenting, stay at home mothers
Our children are depending on us to make the right choice
A baby’s first cries indicate a primordial need for love and for the human touch… of his mother. When my babies were placed in my arms shortly after birth, those who were wailing stopped immediately at the sound of my voice. It was a pause of bonding, of recognition, of comfort, of security. Other mothers report the same. Our babies need us.
Studies show infants in orphanages deprived of maternal love and care, soon fail to thrive, and if denied of any human interaction, these infants can die. [1]If the complete taking away of physical and emotional support of a child eventually leads to that child’s demise, imagine what other, perhaps lesser denials can do to affect negatively a growing human person- perhaps not death, but surely serious consequences that can affect one for the rest of his life. A lack of attachment to others and insecurity are certainly very possible.
With continued lack of bonding and parental interaction, susceptible individuals may even grow up seeking familial type unity and acceptance in immature associations such as non-adult guided cliques or even harmful associations such as gangs. This simply follows logic and is not an exaggeration. While some children may recover from early neglect, others do not. Children need consistent one-on-one, good mothering to grow up securely and well adjusted, to thrive. And these needs are not just for the child in the moment, but also for the adult he becomes. English novelist George Eliot said, “Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” Abraham Lincoln pondered, “All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother.”
Mothers attentive presence matters.
Some studies of orphans have shown that early institutionalization changed both the structure and the function of the brain. Any time spent in an institution shrunk the volume of gray matter, or brain cell bodies, in the brain. Kids who stayed in the orphanages instead of going to foster care also had less white matter, or the fat-covered tracts between brain cell bodies, than kids who, at a young age, moved in with families. [2] A natural conclusion is that the reduced brain cell bodies handicaps a child’s achievement and stunts natural ability.
Is it a jump to apply these results of institutionalized orphans to children institutionalized in daycare? Perhaps sweepingly, yes, it might be a jump. After all, parents pick up their children from daycare, and bring them home at the end of the day. But when you consider that the typical amount of time that a day-cared child is home with parents after a 6 pm pick up (perhaps just two short hours until bedtime and sleep), and that while requirements vary from state to state, it is not uncommon for a caregiver: child ratio to be 10:1, day care does constitute a form of institutionalization, devoid of consistent one-on-one interaction with a loving parent, and institutionalization is not good for children. Will the consequences for the day cared children and orphans be the same? Possibly, yes, especially for the least resilient and more needy of the children.
Mother’s loving presence can change society because it affects individuals who grow up to live in it, make decisions in it, function in it and potentially lead in it. While the politicians in Washington propose and hash out potential solutions for the most challenging economic, financial, cultural and social problems in American society, the answer to them, ironically, is literally in our own backyards. The solutions are in our own homes, in the arms of mother, overseen and protected by father. A married mother and father where one parent is home when the child is home, is the best insurance for a child’s best outcome. Further, a loving intact family with one parent nurturing and guiding the children full time is the hope of the nation, a nation which desperately needs stability, responsibility and respectability.
By early institutionalizing our greatest natural resources, our children, then we not only tragically fail those children, but we also fail our nation and its future. At that point, we have no one to blame for the outcome but ourselves. .
For more reading, please consider:
HOME BY CHOICE: Creating Emotional Security in Children by Brenda Hunter, PhD
In Praise of Stay at Home Moms by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, PhD
Motherhood Matters by Dorothy Pilarski
17 Friday Jan 2014
Posted Family, Important family issues, violence
inTags
children, family issues, fathers, importance of family, intact family, mothers, parents, violence
Photo courtesy of: Jon Garcia/The Elkhart Truth/AP Photo
I’m sitting at my computer nearly paralyzed in thought and action, still reeling from the events of yesterday* in my community.
Last night, a 22-year-old gunman entered the grocery store I routinely shopped with my young children for thirteen years, and randomly shot and killed two people with a semi-automatic handgun. When police arrived, the gunman, also armed with a large knife, had the store manager on his knees, taunting him with his weapon. When the police rushed in, they quickly saw what was happening and fired shots at the gunman, allowing the manager to run to safety, and killing the perpetrator. It was ten p.m. on an otherwise typical Wednesday night.
Do I live in Chicago? Los Angeles? New York? The Bronx?
No, this happened in a small town in Indiana, middle America, with a population of 50-some thousand people. Is the grocery store an inner city one? No, it serviced an affluent portion of the county of Elkhart, with many middle to upper class subdivisions and country homes. This is the heartland of America, literally the place where farmers harvest corn and soybeans and manufacturers produce recreational vehicles. It is sprawling and comfortable, and clean, and neighborly, and up until now, presumably very safe.
We are all stunned.
How did this happen?
Why?
These are the questions neighbors are asking, shocked and appalled at this turn of events. We call to mind the Colorado and Washington, D.C. shootings, Columbine…. Those were distant places with a different sort of people…we thought.
Our space has been violated, our faith shaken, our safety compromised. The victims could have been any of us, making a late night visit to the store or working an evening shift. Two ordinary people who thought they were going to an ordinary place for ordinary reasons didn’t come home last night, victims of a heinous and violent crime.
As details emerge, we struggle to make sense of this event. I know some will politicize it, trying to reduce it to a debate about guns. I’d rather not. While the perpetrator in this crime carried two separate weapons, questions go deeper than the choice of instrument used. The man chose a violent and crazy act. Why?
Was this the ‘perfect storm’ brewing for months or years, or random and haphazard like lightning striking?
I don’t purport to know the inner workings of a sick, evil mind, but it is reported that the shooter had regularly spewed hateful posts over the Internet, showed a fascination with serial killers and posted gruesome images of himself and crime scenes .[1] He also had a drug history, a criminal record, and a record of psychiatric treatment. [2] This wasn’t a random fluke occurrence. It was the crescendo then peak of a dreadful pattern.
While free will is always a factor in individual choices that are made, external influences like environment can and do make a difference. Specifically, when it comes to moral decisions and actions the most important social environment in the history of the world- the family- does matter. Where the family is broken, society will eventually be too.
Weak families are a primary predictor for violent behavior. According to Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D., a psychologist and Senior Fellow and Director of the Marriage and Religion Research Institute,
…. there is a link between illegitimacy and violent crime and between the lack of parental attachment and violent crime.
Over the past thirty years, the rise in violent crime parallels the rise in families abandoned by fathers.
High-crime neighborhoods are characterized by high concentrations of families abandoned by fathers
The rate of violent teenage crime corresponds with the number of families abandoned by fathers.
Even in high-crime inner-city neighborhoods, well over 90 percent of children from safe, stable homes do not become delinquents…
The mother’s strong affectionate attachment to her child is the child’s best buffer against a life of crime.
The father’s authority and involvement in raising his children are … a great buffer against a life of crime.[3]
Dr. Laurence Steinberg is distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia. An adaptation of Dr. Steinberg’s statement to the United States House of Representatives bipartisan Working Group on Youth Violence, includes the following:
Among the most powerful predictors of mental health problems among children and adolescents are poor family relationships. Children whose parents are hostile and punitive, as well as those whose parents are neglectful, are at risk for developing all sorts of mental health problems, and children with mental health problems are at risk for developing patterns of antisocial and violent behavior.[4]
The health of the family, the cell of society, is important to us all. In biology, cancer begins in a single cell, spreading to tissues and organs. In society, violence and other problems often begin in the single family, and spread to towns, states, and then nations. We cannot expect a culture of peace globally when there is not peace first at home.
What about violent video games and mental illness and their effect on aggressive behavior and violence? While studies are fairly clear that watching violent video games increases aggression in children[5], researchers debate whether violent video games increase actual violence in adults.[6] Yet the fact remains that many infamous mass murderers of late, including those responsible for the tragedies at Navy Yard, Columbine and in Arizona, are known to have played violent video games for hours, to the point of obsession. Many criminals also have been shown to have (not surprisingly) indications of mental illness, some untreated. A myriad of individual factors create the environment that, when coupled with heredity and free choice can create a literal monster.
Research shows that counties in the United States with more intact families tend to experience lower rates of homicide. [7] Logically, this makes sense. With Mom and Dad stable and around to love, care, protect, discipline and nurture, a child is less likely to spend hours playing (any type) of video games. A child is more supervised; logically he is less stressed and thus has a healthier and safer mental and physical environment. Being an intact family might not ensure a positive behavior outcome of the children, but they sure contribute to it.
I don’t know the family details of the criminal who killed two women yesterday at my old grocery store. However, experiencing it in my community did spark these serious thoughts on the question of violence.
We may not know all the reasons all violent offenders commit their crimes, but we do know this: Involved, loving intact families make a positive difference.
Here’s what we must do:
-We must work harder to make our marriages work
-We must prioritize our children as the gifts and natural resources they are.
-We must admit that divorce and remarriage are not good for children.
-We must not indulge our children in games that may even potentially be harmful to their mental health.
-We must recognize signs of mental illness and see it as real as physical illness.
-We must be ever watchful of our surroundings, and be courageous to report threats when necessary.
-We must commit to support others in their endeavors to commit to the above.
It’s not government money we need.
It’s not a ban on guns that will save us.
Society can be – and will be – saved and safe by way of this first, primary force: strong, loving and decent families.
[1] http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/3-dead-including-gunman-indiana-supermarket-shooting-article-1.1581555
[2] http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2540420/Shooting-Indiana-supermarket-claims-three-lives-including-gunmans.html
[3] http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/1995/03/bg1026nbsp-the-real-root-causes-of-violent-crime
[6] http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2013/09/18/do-games-like-grand-theft-auto-v-cause-real-world-violence/
[7] http://www.familyfacts.org/briefs/26/marriage-and-family-as-deterrents-from-delinquency-violence-and-crime
*This piece partially written yesterday and finished today.
Reference to the crime is here. It has also been covered on numerous venues nationally.
03 Thursday Oct 2013
Posted Advice, Family, Important family issues, inspiration, joy, life, love, Marriage, Mothering, parenting, Relationships, self-improvement, Thought of the day
inTags
calm, children, conversation, family, marriage, peace, personal enrichment, porch sitting, raising children, relationships, relax
Porch sitting used to be the standard in many American neighborhoods of yesteryear. When technology was not so ‘advanced’, and hard working people just wanted to slow down, or when the house simply got too hot before air conditioning was the norm, people headed for the porch to relax, converse and enjoy. There are still lots of reasons to sit on your porch and I’ve listed some of my favorites below. Feel free to add yours –
32 REASONS YOU SHOULD SIT ON YOUR PORCH TONIGHT *
1- To catch a breeze (really inhale the air, take in the freshness)
2-To listen to crickets .
3- You have to sit somewhere to sip {{insert favorite beverage}}
4-To watch your children play in the yard.
What? They’re not out in the yard? Bring them out.
5-It’s a great place to converse with your spouse at the end of the day.
6. There’s no TV out there. (Thank God.)
7. Maybe neighbors will stop by– you could make or rekindle friendships.
8. To connect- through time- with your grandparents, who probably used to do the same thing.
9. To really look at your neighborhood.
10- To pray.
11- Because it’s private and calming on the porch, it’s a good place to talk to kids about tricky topics like the birds and bees. In fact, there will likely be birds and bees in view.
12- To play old fashioned card games with your kids, drinking lemonade.
13. Lemonade. {{Ahhhh!}}
14. It’s a great place to enjoy many other games.
15. When a boy comes to call on your daughter, it’s a good place for them to talk, near a window, where you can peek.
16. It will help you recover from illness faster, and reduces stress and tension.
17. It lifts your spirits and calms your mind.
18. You see the house from the outside in, giving you a fresh perspective.
19. When you porch sit with a spouse, child or friend, you facilitate conversation and social interaction. Studies show that people who are more socially connected live longer.
20. If you LAUGH on the porch, there are even more health benefits
21. It fits mighty nicely with strumming the guitar. Johnny Cash thought so.
22. That cute little bird over there, in the bushes, in the nest. That’s why.
23. It’s a creative Southern Tradition.
24. It’s a lost art.
25. You’re connecting with the past. Rascal Flatts thinks so too.
25. You can’t do dishes, fold laundry, sweep the floor, stare at the messy room, fret about the closet in disarray when you are sitting on the porch.
27. If you need a quick break, the kids probably won’t look there.
28. It’s a good place to cool off when you feel an argument coming on inside-
29. It’s a good place to warm up, under an afghan with your sweetie.
30. To read.
31. To tell stories.
32. It’s the perfect place to think. To question. To wonder. To contemplate life.
Too hot out? Take a fan.
Too dark? Bring a candle.
Too cold? Blankets and snuggle.
Too ‘boring’? Calm yourself.
Sitting on the porch can be a five minute…..or fifty minute vacation from the hectic-ness of modern life. Don’t fight it.
Front porch- watch a sunset
Birds are quiet now; they’ve gone to sleep
I can hear the little peepers peep.
Lightning bugs sparkle as they do their dance
Mother Nature leaves nothing to chance.
Temperature’s holding at 72.
No one here but me and you~
Pour me a cold one and set right down
On the old porch swing.
-Excerpt from “Old Porch Swing” by Ellen Schmidt
by Janet Martin
Sitting on my front-porch, this my humble palace grand
Apartheid to an orchestra led by Heaven’s hand
Hummingbird and firefly and busy honey-bee
And little children’s laughter joins in Heaven’s melody
Tiny splash of paradise has dropped from Heaven’s brush
Landing on my front-porch in this sacred evening hush
Lemon tea or lemonade either one is fine
Sitting on my front-porch ‘neath the shadow of His vine
Sonny, grab your silver spoons so you can keep the beat
I’ll play my harmonica while sister taps her feet
Standing on His promises, praising Christ the Lord
Sitting on my front-porch I desire nothing more
*don’t have a porch? Then consider this list of 32 reasons to add one to your home.
Front porch- read a book
Back patios are nice too
Rascal Flatts
Sunday was the day of rest
Now its one more day for progress
And we can’t slow down
Cause more is best
It’s all an endless process
Well I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice cold Cherry — Coke
Where everything is black & white
Picking on a Six String
Where people pass by and you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
bye bye
Sometimes I can hear this old earth shouting
Through the trees as the wind blows
Thats when I climb up here on this mountain
To look through God’s window
Now I can’t fly
But I’ve got two feet
To get me high up here
Above the noise and city streets
My worries disappear
Well I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice cold Cherry — Coke
Where everything is black & white
Picking on a Six String
Where people pass by and you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
bye bye
Sometimes I dream I’m driving down an old dirt road
Not even listed on the map
I pass a dad and son carrying a fishing pole
But I always wake up everytime I try to turn back
Well I miss Mayberry
Sitting on the porch drinking ice cold Cherry Coke
Where everything is black & white
Picking on a Six String
Where people pass by and you call them by their first name
Watching the clouds roll by
bye bye
20 Friday Sep 2013
Posted children, faith, Family, love, Mothering, parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized
inTags
ancestry, children, family, grandparents, love, relationships, storytelling
“When you snuggle up on the sofa with your child and open an old photo album, you are showing more to him than just a glimpse of the past. You are showing him a peek into his ancestry, his history, and giving him a sense of his special place in this world.”
Why and How to do it here-
(My latest on Integrated Catholic Life)