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I’d like to paraphrase excellent opening remarks from marriage and family counselor Dr. Laura Schlessinger*, which she made on her program yesterday. No comments from me on this today- just would like to share these gems.


1- Touch

Touch your spouse, non-sexually, many times each day. This can be a loving pat, a gentle kiss, or a simple running your fingers softly over his arm as you walk by. Touch connects people. Touch bonds people. Touch reminds us all we are not alone.


2- Talk

Talk without complaining. Talk without bringing up big issues. Just lay on the bed, look up at the ceiling and chat, like you used to long ago. “What happened today?” “What did you do?” “Really? Then what happened?”, “Guess what happened to me…” “I missed you today.”  “This crossed my mind. What should I do?” “Oh, that’s a great idea. Thank you, honey.”  This is the way we talk to someone we are connected to, value and love. Casual talking is relaxed and supportive, not demanding. 

3- Don’t be curt

Most of us are curt without realizing it. We may use criticism, sarcasm, mean spirited jokes, jabs at one another, without even realizing how caustic we have become. We must instead offer sincere compliments, thoughtful gestures, and kindness. We should never bring up potentially explosive topics when they can’t be fixed- when he is leaving for work, just before dinner, int he middle of the night, and when guests are expected to arrive any minute…

We should do thoughtful things for our spouses such as buy him some tickets to a hockey game we know he’d enjoy, then encourage him to take some of his buddies. That’s real love. 

4-Take more time when it comes to lovemaking (s-e-x)

People generally invest very little in sex, in communicating in clever ways their feelings for one another and what they like and don’t like. People need to make plans, invest time in taking care of your body, your attitude. Think about your spouse during the day. Give him a foot rub. Focus on the other. Magic doesn’t *just happen* with no effort. Turn on the music and just slow dance. 

5-Talk positively about your spouse

You will feel about your spouse the way you talk about him. If you complain, not only do you do him a disservice, but it cools your feelings toward him as well. Build your spouse up around your friends. Decide only to say positive things about him, and watch your love grow. 

6-Give each other space and time for hobbies and friends.

“Guy time” and “Girl time” is healthy and important. Don’t suffocate your spouse. 

7-Pay Attention.

Love needs attention. Affairs become real temptations when a spouse is neglected at home and someone else pays attention, someone else makes him feel important, someone else makes him feel special, and you don’t. “We grew apart” is a phrase used by people who have stopped loving one another and stopped paying attention. 


*Dr. Laura Schlessinger received a bachelor’s degree in biological sciences from the State University of New York at Stonybrook, a master’s degree and Ph.D. in physiology from Columbia University’s College of Physicians and Surgeons, and a post-doctoral certification in marriage, family and child counseling from the University of Southern California.

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