I just watched a piece on the news on the AR-15, the type of gun used to kill children and adults in the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. My heart breaks for the children, the adults, their parents, siblings, friends, and of course us as a society. What a tragic event in American history! What a devastating event in the lives of individual families. No words can adequately express the depths of this horror and tragedy.
It is normal and natural to want immediately to take away all things that can hurt people in the wake of this indescribable horror and pain- guns, knives, in fact any other object that can be used to hurt others. It is normal and natural for us to want to curl up with our loved ones in our homes and stay isolated, protected, away from others as well.
But we can’t. We shouldn’t. For the weapons themselves are not the problem. The people who abuse them to hurt others are. Just as butcher knives alone don’t kill people, guns don’t kill either. Crazy people use whatever they use – the problem is the crazy people, not what they choose to abuse to hurt others.
And we can’t run away from evil. We must confront it in courage.
The mass shooting that happened in a school in Connecticut last week is horrific and screams in a way nothing else can that society has failed. A family has failed. Society has failed families. Families have failed society. The way to prevent other shootings is to find ways these failings occur on a micro level and somehow, some way, prevent them from happening again.
I suspect a lot of the problem is abandonment of children. In many instances, no one is at home to raise them well anymore. Volatile, susceptible (by genes or environment) people turn to evil in the wake of no guidance, no help, no notice…
In my heart of hearts I feel that in the event of Sandy Hook we are facing the horrible result of the demise of the American family. Years of putting material objects before people creates chaos and insecurity in the hearts of children, who grow up and in some cases, when weak, or when decidedly choose one way over another, turn evil.
My heart aches for all, but especially for the lost children in this particular tragedy-their lost futures, their lost enjoyment of life, their lost contributions to the world, their physical existence on earth. They cannot be replaced. The world will not be the same without them. We all suffer. And grieve.
And as I grieve for each one of them individually, whom I do not know, yet as a mother universally I innately know, I ponder the cause. I look for a solution. I have no answers. Who does? I can only offer thoughts, and these I offer here, sincerely.
Legislation is not the answer. Limiting guns will merely take guns away from law abiding people. Criminals have always been able to obtain weapons. We cannot and should not trample on Second Amendment rights in a well-intentioned yet misguided attempt to prevent Sandy Hooks from happening again. No, the answer is much easier and yet much harder than that. The answer to the problem of violence and evil is much slower than a mere law being passed or executive order being imposed. The answer is that every individual life must be nurtured and valued, guided and protected. We must make society so full of love that no one thinks to resort to the unthinkable. Only in this way will no innocent lives be lost again.
Mothers, turn your hearts home. Be there for your families in kindness and patience, softness, beauty, truth and as gentle leaders of morality. This will change society. Fathers, be there for your children, in your strength and courage and goodness. Set the example. Lead well. Families, reach out together to those whom you meet who are lacking in love, the basic component of life and of civilized society. Take time to ask a simple question, listen in understanding. Offer help. Love. Open eyes and and open heart will lead you to know what needs to be done. Invite a lonely child to join you some afternoon. Support a single mother you see struggling to make ends meet. Hold accountable people who try to weaken the family unit. Support –even fight for– marriage, because the safest place for a child is in a loving, supportive family with both mom and dad present. Only by doing these simple yet profound things can we prevent other murders like those at Sandy Hook, and Virginia Tech and Colorado movie theater, and frankly like those imposed by the likes of Saddam Hussein and Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler.
We must put our children’s and spouses’ needs first. We must reach out to others we see who lack love. It’s a slow, difficult process to do this unselfishly, daily, but in the end, it is what will matter most.
The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.
– Confucius
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
-Mother Teresa
Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.
-Mother Teresa
The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing in between.
– Mother Teresa
Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love. -Billy Graham
Theresa Thomas 
Pingback: A Mother’s Thoughts on Guns and Violence | Stories for the Homeschool Heart
Theresa,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law. Your article about him was beautiful and moving.
I know you all have wonderful memories of him to cherish.
God bless, Autry
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Thank you, Autry! We will miss him so much!!!
Very well written. However, I don’t completely agree. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that Americans hold on so dearly to their guns. Guns, as far as I know, are made to kill. I can’t use one to sharpen my pencil, or cut a juicy steak. True, anything can be used as a weapon, but why do these mass murderers choose guns as their weapon of choice? Faster? You can hit more targets in one shot? I think our society is in desperate need of help. Family values have gone out the window, along with God. There are a lot of people in America who suffer from mental disorders. I know a few people personally who suffer, and let me tell you that it is like a constant roller coaster ride. They are very volatile, very unstable, and not always willing to take their meds. Being that we live in such a country where mental disorders are rampant, I think it would be a very good idea to use gun control as the first step in trying to control this ridiculous problem. I mean, what’s it going to take? You can’t lock up mentally disturbed people. You can’t force them to take their meds, and you can’t always force them to get diagnosed (those who show signs of having a problem). Why the love of guns? Why are Americans so attached to them? If they use them for self defense, then where are these gun-toting Americans when these massacres happen???
Rosanna,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments and for taking the time to reply. I love feedback, and enjoy the opinions of others. You bring up some very good points- today in America there are some very disturbed people. Thankfully, in most states, convicted felons have, by virtue of their decisions to commit crimes, relinquished their rights to vote and lost their rights to own and use a gun. Unfortunately, in recent years, felons are finding it easier to retain gun rights. This is ludicrous and is a good starting point, in my opinion, for valid use of ‘gun control’.
As you know, our Second Amendment secures the individual’s right to have and bear arms. I think it would be extremely dangerous to try to change that or let it erode. Individual rights are extremely important to democracy and freedom, and while it may seemingly at first appear to be a good idea just to ‘get rid of the guns’, this would leave private citizens more vulnerable to unjust subjugation of a government should the wrong people get in power and decide they want to control. What’s more, a people unable to defend and protect themselves is not a free nation. America must stay free. That’s why, I answer, Americans are ‘so attached’ to guns. It’s not the guns themselves but their love of freedom, and knowledge that without Constitutional rights, America is not America anymore.
Still, you bring up some excellent observations. What about mentally disturbed people? Maybe we start there-Some suggest that people with diagnosable unstable mental conditions, by virtue of their illness, not be qualified for gun ownership. Some suggest better enforcement of already on-the-books gun ownership/purchase requirements. Some suggest that certain ‘weapon free ‘ zones such as schools be established with armed law enforcement protecting those areas. And there are many more suggestions as well. I think it’s very very important that states engage their citizens and elected officials in this critical discussion to come up with solutions- without eroding the basic rights upon which America was founded.
I agree with you that “family values have gone out the window along with God”. We can’t change everything, but we can change something. And that something is OUR family- OUR neighborhood, OUR community. It’s a slow change, for sure, because it is a change of hearts and minds, not just forced obedience or action.
Thank you so much for bringing this up.
Theresa
Thanks to you, Theresa for also responding to me. I enjoy following your blog, and reading your intelligent, well-thought posts regarding important issues and matters of the heart.
Everything you wrote is absolutely right on. I can’t disagree or argue with anything; however, speaking of freedom in this country — well, isn’t our freedom infringed upon whenever we leave the house and go to a public place, risking our lives knowing that there just MAY be a mentally unstable person who has a gun? Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never been the same ever since these public massacres started happening some years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I leave the house and do everything I must, but there is always a bit of fear inside of me — a terrorist attack, a crazed gunman, an angry lover (some man in our neighborhood some months ago killed his wife and 2 daughters — gunned them down — at a local restaurant because she was going to leave him). I don’t feel free. I don’t feel comfortable…ever. Knowing that everyone has the right to have a gun and that a LOT of people are angry…it’s just an equation for a disaster. I met someone recently at a dinner party who carries a gun. He lifted up the hem of his shirst to show me the pistol in his holster. The situation made me extremely uncomfortable. I had my 15-month old baby with me. I just couldn’t help but think: “How do I know this person doesn’t have bad intentions? He isn’t angry? He isn’t unstable?” I didn’t feel very free in that moment. I felt like I was in some kind of a war zone, and this person was afraid of the boogey man that was going to show up at the dinner party. I was disgusted, and couldn’t wait to leave.
So…I still don’t think that having guns is such a great idea. I DO think that major rules and laws should be put into place about having guns.
You know, I used to live in Italy, and I NEVER felt this afraid while I was there. I never felt afraid to defend my opinions or get into an argument in public for fear that someone may be packing and blow my head off. They don’t have the right to bear arms written in their constitution, but I felt much more freedom in that country than I do here.
Theresa,
The Holy Spirit encouraged me to send your article to the principal at St. Pius, where our children attend. I also asked her to send your article to the entire school staff, which she did. I’m excited to share your inspirational message with others who may not have read any of your articles before.
Happy Advent and Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Autry
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Wow. Thank you, Autry. Truly.
Love and Merry Christmas to you too!!
Theresa, this mom was always home…her alimony was $289,000 a year and she homeschooled this son for awhile. Her interest in guns seemed odd until you remember that Connecticut had an infamous home invasion several years ago ( the Petit family) in which a gun perhaps would have saved a mom and two daughters from being raped and burned to death while the husband was tied up. I think the core in this is mental illness and America’s failure since Reagan to confine such people to mental institutions. We closed such places and New York City since then has had numerous subway killings when people are pushed in front of a train by a pyschotic. But it happens at such a sporadic rate that no one does a thing about it and now we have this Newtown horror which had to involve madness because career
criminals do not shoot groups of six year olds in their entire lifetime…they kill for utilitarian reasons…money, drugs, control etc. This idiot killed himself as soon as males appeared who were not six years old. He belonged in confinement in an institution just as the recent subway pusher did. But we want to save entitlement or government money and mental institutions are expensive so in effect we are all gambling that an insane person will not arrive at our town’s school.
I accidentally commented in the wrong place- my reply to you is below 🙂
Bill,
You make some great points about the mental illness issue. It’s certainly a very important part of this picture.
Yes, the mother of Adam Lanza certainly seemed (based on news reports) to have tried to do the best job that she could. Still, clearly, something went wrong. I think it’s critical that we, as a society, try to dissect what that is, minimally to prevent the tragedy of Sandy Hooks and the like from happening again, but also to help those suffering in mental illness and those who love them. It’s a responsibility that must be shared by individual families and society.
Some questions I think we need to ask ourselves honestly as a culture:
-How are we raising our children? How can we better provide stable family environments? How can I, as an individual, make my own family better? How can I reach out to others?
-What role may violent films and video games play in the development of a young person’s conscience?
One common thread that seems to be evident in some of the young killers of late is their use of violent video games. For example, Adam Lanza seems to have spent hours with Call of Duty (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9752141/Connecticut-school-massacre-Adam-Lanza-spent-hours-playing-Call-Of-Duty.html )
It is curious to me that people jump to the gun (action) issue before considering the violent media (mindset) issue. Eliminating guns, solely, is not going to change a mindset that continues to perpetuate. Violent people will simply resort to different means if guns are outlawed. And simply outlawing video games isn’t the answer either (although it wouldn’t hurt to be more stringent in making sure that children do not have easy access to them). The only thing that will change the violence is- (and I’m not trying to be Pollyanna-ish or naive and I know I risk it in saying this) is love and responsibility.
First, we must ‘love’ in the broad sense- in loving we meet people’s needs- the mentally ill person’s need, for example, for help. And the needs of families in trouble who need support. We must also love in a personal sense- we must look first toward our own families- are our own children getting what they need to grow up secure and healthy?
Second, people simply must ‘man up’ and become responsible for their actions. Families have to commit to one another. We must heal broken homes. Make real lifetime commitments. Make good decisions – even when they are (especially when they are) hard. We must stop ourselves from divorce- probably by being more careful and responsible in our initial decisions to marry. We must put our children’s needs over our own wants. This is what I am trying to convey. I am not trying to point the finger at individual people and say “This person messed up.” or “That family isn’t doing it right.” God knows I have enough faults to try to correct for myself. Rather, I am trying to invite people to see that the solution is not going to be a stripping away of fundamental rights, such as the right to bear arms (although using common sense such as people must be mentally stable before purchase and that children should be protected from gaming violence is important).
The truth is, in my opinion, that every one of us is called to heroic love. Some have the cross of a mentally ill child or spouse. Some endure the cross of disease themselves. Others face severe educational challenges for their children which must be overcome in child raising. We do our best and leave the rest to God and His Mercy. In short, I do believe we can all be part of the answer. I have much compassion for the plight of Adam’s mother and even Adam himself- he must have been tormented. So yes, the mental health issue is critical in a discussion of violence and guns. Thank you for bringing it up.
I appreciate your comments a lot. They make me think deeper and hopefully express myself better.
Theresa
No argument here….I have a home defense shotgun, having been threatened by a criminal who I defeated in a fight after he broke into my house but who then threatened me as to his returning with a pistol ( police took 7 minutes to finally get to my house). I couldn’t hold him in context…not knowing if nearby cars contained his cronies. And I’m totally against gory video games. But Catholic conservatives with their tea party leanings have to ask themselves if they are willing to pay actual money for the mental institutions that were closed and that we obviously need again. Take away all guns and there’s always McVeigh who killed 168 people (19 children) with no gun at all.
“Take away all guns and there’s always McVeigh who killed 168 people (19 children) with no gun at all.” This is exactly right, and the sentiment I was also trying to convey. Yes!
As for the mental institutions- (I’m going to take off your ‘Catholic conservative with teaparty leaning’ label because I want my thoughts simply to represent themselves 🙂 ) I don’t really know what you are suggesting- more tax money going for mental institutions? More insurance money going for that? Public school funding for diagnosis?
I don’t have a well formed opinion on the subject and do not have any expertise in mental illness, so I’ll defer my opinion on that for a later date when hopefully I’ll be better informed. I do strongly believe that there would be fewer mentally ill people if families were stronger. But that’s as far as my opinion on treatment of the mentally ill goes at this point. I’m looking forward to educating myself on the topic.
I’m so sorry about your home invasion and personal experience with crime and violence. Yikes! That must have been frightening. I’m glad the result was you being safe.
God bless- Theresa
Guns do kill people. This gun was not built for hunting or protection: it was built to kill people. I am not against the right to own a gun but something needs to change. Guns like this should not be sold.
Also it is not your right to judge the mother you do not know what went on. She sounded to be a very nurturing and caring mother. No parentI is perfect you arnt either. We arewill all sinners. n that kids head. He was twenty
Sorry I was not done and it posted with erors. We are all sinners. Less judging and more understanding would be nice.
I totally agree with the ‘understanding’ part! I believe that we must be courageous enough also, as a society, to look in the mirror and see what needs to be changed in the way we support people and treat people. That’s the message I am trying to convey, imperfectly-
Hi Patricia-
Please read all my comments. (especially to Bill, above) I never judged nor would presume to judge the goodness, motives or culpability of Adam Lanza’s mother or any other mother for that matter. I am the first to admit (and know) that no parent is perfect because I am not! 🙂 I have much compassion for the plight of Adam’s mother and even Adam himself- he must have been tormented.
That being said, Guns don’t kill alone. Someone pulls the trigger. The responsibility (and problem) lies there, with the person, not with the object.
I believe that citizens have the right to bear arms, including those weapons which could be used against them. I respect your difference of opinion in this matter. Thank you for writing.
Theresa
Hi Theresa, sorry if I sounded harsh. I agree with most of what you said. I think citizens should have the right to bear arms, but some of the guns are not appropriate for the public.
Hey, it’s ok- you are not harsh. This is a very difficult topic. I think we have to explore it fully and take everything carefully into consideration. I really do appreciate your thoughts and comments. Yours is a point worth considering for sure.
Theresa,
I thought of you tonight when I read a Christmas book to a few of our kids this evening. The name of it is Angela and the baby Jesus. I don’t know if you have it, but I thought of your Angela. It’s a beautiful story of a little girl who takes the baby Jesus from the Nativity in church because He looks so cold, and she wants to warm Him. It is funny, the pictures are lovely and the story is sweet. Thought I’d pass it along.
Have a Merry Christmas!
Autry
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Awww, thanks Autry! Yes, we have read that book. Thank you for thinking of me and us 🙂 Very merry Christmas to you and your family!!!